1967

copyright 1995 by Steve S. Saroff


Most of my memories of my mother come from photographs. Like one black and white memory of a Christmas: I was opening a box with my brother. She was helping us and the tree is there, decorated. There is wrapping paper on the floor. My father must have said something to make the three of us look up suddenly, because we are startled, and my hands are blurred as they reach for the toy that my mother is holding. The date stamped on the bottom edge of the photo means I was five years old.

A memory that has no photo: myself, my brother and her, we are in a doctor's office. The doctor is upset, he does not like me. He tells my mother to come back latter without us, or to leave us in the waiting room. She tells him, "no," and leaves. She is pulling my hand. We go down some stairs. The doctor comes after us. "Wait," he yells, "I need to tell you things your children should not hear," and his voice echoes off the cinder-block walls of the stair-well. My mother picks me up, pushes open a door that lets the three of us outside where it is hot and bright. My brother is walking behind us. "Mom," he says, "we've got to go back." But we keep walking. This memory of her, my only true memory has no sights. It is just her arms around me, and my arms around her neck, and my face against her face, and both of us crying while the doctor is coming, running after us, to stop her there on the sidewalk where he will tell news that she and I already know.

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